Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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