so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
