my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
