So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Couch. On fire.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
