The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He passed out mid-signature
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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