after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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