I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
