that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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