YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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