I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
