Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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