i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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