I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
