at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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