I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
