we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
