I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize