Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
