It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
