I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
