you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
