I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
