I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
