My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
