Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
