Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
They have beer where we have blood.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
