'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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