I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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