On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
