isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize