Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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