Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
