She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
