Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
