Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
