video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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