I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
