tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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