Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
