Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize