not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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