while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
