did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
