Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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