u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
