i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Randomize
