i'm lost and i look like a hooker
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
