I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
