I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
This house was built for laser tag.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize