i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
