just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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