is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
