I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
