K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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