I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Fuck appropriateness.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
