How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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