I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
