Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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