Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
