At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
