i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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