Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
