i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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