He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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