fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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