Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
