I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
