I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
