just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
