Christians are straight up FREAKS
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
